Welcome, welcome, welcome! If you are here because you not only READ the article about us, but actually LOOKED UP the link they included in the depths of the 4th column, then we would like to take this special chance to salute you. You're witty, you're charming, devastatingly attractive AND intelligent, and we are tickled pink (and blue and orange and yellow and purple) that you are here. So, please, dive on in, comment deeply, flame us liberally (if that's your inclination), this is your playground. And if you're inspired by what you read here, join us! If you're a student, e-mail your article to any of our devastatingly attractive editors. If you don't want to actually write for us, you can still send us blog entries. If you're a playboy millionaire wishing to preserve your anonymity, message the administrator of the official Kindling Facebook group and we'd be more than happy to put it up for you with any pseudonym you'd like.
Want to know more about what the blog is about and why we write in it? Well, we could give you some cliched B.S. about how we just have TOO MANY IDEAS for our thrice-yearly issue and the enormous profusion of time-dependent jokes (V-day is coming up!) and such, but the truth is much deeper and more complicated. In fact, it's almost exactly what has already been described for the webcomic Sinfest:
" I have discovered a way to live life in a state of perpetual orgasmic ecstasy, unbothered by the cruel vagaries of life. It's perfectly legal, no drugs involved, no crazy meditation regimen, no change in diet or beliefs or lifestyle. It's healthy, no side effects, no hangover, just pure bliss round the clock, 24/7. Problem is, I can't articulate the secret method in words. There's no verbal way to demonstrate how I've achieved this state. As much as I'd like to disclose the mystery to you all it resists all known forms of communication. Except one. The comic strip."
Only Kindlingers know that "I" is supposed to be "we" and when he said "comic strip" he really meant "blog." THIS blog. Welcome.... and keep reading.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
The Chronicle Recognizes Our Greatness!
Yes, folks, our long-time rival, the NCC Chronicle has finally bowed to our popularity and overwhelming coolness by doing a snazzy full-page spread on our illustrious magazine in their most recent issure. They sent top-secret operatives to take down witty and entertaining tidbits about our meetings. They sent their sexiest photographer to capture our 3 female editors on a highly productive bathroom break. They even mentioned our blog. And if http://www.nccchronicle.com/ hadn't crashed and burned an untimely death almost 2 years ago, we would link to the article online.
Instead, we'll give you this. Their May 26th, 2006 article about an artist who logs into violent video games in order to type non-violent messages while the true story- the fact that the U.S. Army is using tax money to make video games in the first place- is quickly glossed over as something that some groups have "raised concern" over.
We can only hope that the January 25th issue of this campus staple reflects a new and heightened level of commitment to sophistication and intelligence. Go forth, folks, and read "Klass Klown."
Instead, we'll give you this. Their May 26th, 2006 article about an artist who logs into violent video games in order to type non-violent messages while the true story- the fact that the U.S. Army is using tax money to make video games in the first place- is quickly glossed over as something that some groups have "raised concern" over.
We can only hope that the January 25th issue of this campus staple reflects a new and heightened level of commitment to sophistication and intelligence. Go forth, folks, and read "Klass Klown."
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Hot Wife: lets get it started
If Elected, I Will Have The Hottest First Lady In U.S. History
My fellow Americans, in the coming presidential election, the voters of this nation will plot a course for the future. There are many candidates, each of whom brings a different vision of that future. But only one has the conviction and strength to lead this great country. Only one is a popular television and film actor ready to face the challenges of the 21st century head-on. And, most importantly, there is only one candidate with a bombshell trophy wife nearly a quarter-century younger than himself.......http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/if_elected_i_will_have_the
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Presidential theme songs
Alright, kidoodles. After a long and soundtracked thought process, I've decided that the victory songs for presidential candidates are FAR too lame. I swear, if I hear Bruce Springsteen or U2 one more time, I may explode. We get it--YOU LIKE AMERICA. Since I'm feeling helpful, though, I've decided to give one candidate per week some sage song advice. Because really, "Where the Streets Have No Name" won't help you win my heart, you crazy White House hopefuls.
Ladies first, my friends.
Hillary Clinton: Loads of people think you don't have a soul, so you have got to show them that you at least can listen to women that have one. To put on the "victory shuffle" setting for your iPod: Aretha Franklin, The Supremes, and Amy Winehouse. Hearing a crack whore wail over the blue and red confetti will win you votes in the blue states.
Ladies first, my friends.
Hillary Clinton: Loads of people think you don't have a soul, so you have got to show them that you at least can listen to women that have one. To put on the "victory shuffle" setting for your iPod: Aretha Franklin, The Supremes, and Amy Winehouse. Hearing a crack whore wail over the blue and red confetti will win you votes in the blue states.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Monkey Whores?
Do Monkeys Pay for Sex?
"It turns out that one of humanity's oldest professions may be even older than we thought: In a recent study of macaque monkeys in Indonesia, researchers found that male primates "paid" for sexual access to females — and that the going rate for such access dwindled as the number of available females went up......"You know you want to read the rest:
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1700821,00.html?cnn=yes
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