by Alyssa Vincent
I’m pretty sure that I had the best childhood ever. Not to brag or anything, but my early years as an adorable tot were awesome. I’d wake up, eat Lucky Charms behind a self-made fort of cereal boxes, watch some Looney Tunes, and go on “adventures” with my dolls while my parents slaved away in the meth lab downstairs. Those were the days.
These imaginative adventures took up the greater part of my day. And which doll, you might ask, facilitated these adventures? Barbies? Hell no. I was all about the historically minded American Girl dolls. My girl of choice was Samantha Parkington, the prim, proper gal from the Victorian era. Back then, I just liked her because she had an awesome bed and a sweet velvet hat to top it all off.
Samantha and I had countless tea parties, outings to the grocery store with my mom, and overall good-natured fun. The other day though, as I was boring someone with my childhood stories, I began to wonder about how American Girl dolls set such pristine examples. I mean, they all have adversity in their stories (documented in chapter books written by the American Girl Corporation), but they never turn to drugs and sex and solve their problems! Living in an era of Lindsey “Hoe”han and Britney “I feel too sorry for you to insult you” Spears, it’s good to know that girls can avoid that harsh world for a few more years.
Or can they? I was cleaning out my closet the other day, and came across one of Samantha’s beloved books—“Samantha’s Surprise.” I didn’t remember reading this tale, so I cracked the cover and started reading.
Little did I know that the pages would be filled with erotic encounters between Samantha and her servant/special friend, Nellie. Disguised by innocent “tea parties” and Victorian S & M—scones and muffins—these X-rated meetings brought a whole new meaning to “discovering history.”
While my favorite childhood toy is now a sexual deviant, it certainly answers a lot of questions about those “sleepovers” her and Nellie always had…
Coming soon: Is the American Girl Store really just an elaborate sex den?
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3 comments:
Hahaha....if the American Girl store is still run by Saks alum Chris, then yes. It IS a sex den.
This just in --
Everywhere, Internet: Most of the American Girl fanfiction has been removed from fanfiction.net because it was all the same boring crap about going to tea parties and seeing if Sterling REALLY liked Kit. Professional adult writers have been brought in to spice up the fandom.
What can we be promised?
- Oogles of femmeslash between Samantha/Nellie, Felicity/Elizabeth, and Kirsten/that indian chick she met.
- Felicity/Ben in the backroom sex on top of oats
- Molly OD's on crack while trying to tap her way into the hearts of all Americans.
I know the above post is old, but I could not help but reply! I'm a writer of Felicity/Ben fanic on fanfiction.net, knee deep in the middle of a romance saga anotu Felicity and Ben that does involve sexual situations! Just thought I'd let y'all know!
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