by The Hungry Proletariat
The rumors started early. Whispers went around campus that recent staff changes in Kaufman, the Cage, and the Boiler House were not a result of retirement or graduation, but of an insidious and oppressive new regime inside Chartwells. The rumor itself claimed that any Chartwells employee that talked to media types could and would be fired for doing so. What REALLY blew this Kindling staffer’s mind was that even the Chronicle and the Kindling was included as ‘media’! Is that paranoid or what? Kindling vowed to get to the heart of the matter… until we realized that doing so would dash forever our desperate hopes that someday, somehow, someone might give us free food. So we sacrificed our investigation on the altar of longing daydreams and carefully avoided asking anybody anything. Instead we stared at the menu and took pictures. And it was there that we learned all that we need to know. So if you go into the Cage one day soon and the giant sign above the counter is mysteriously absent… you’ll know why. An observer as careful and astute (or just as frequent) as the average Kindling staffer will not that one of the dirtiest secrets of this year’s Chartwells agenda is printed quite clearly on the board. Which is, s***’s expensive. Way expensive. This Kindling staffer was charged $4.10 for four scrawny, breaded chicken strips. Now, usually, such a price brings with it a delicious double side of French fries or fruit and jello for the health nuts, along with a large Styrofoam-encased soft drink, giver of life, sugar, and caffeine. But not anymore. The conspiracy has stripped it away leaving the hungry co-ed out $4.10 with nothing but 4 little strips of deep-fried meat. The math major we keep in the closet to do all our calculating told us that each strip cost us $1.025. For a CHICKEN STRIP. Meanwhile the BK down the road is having 59 and 69 cent specials on hamburgers and cheeseburgers every Tuesday. And if you’re too much of a health nut to care about deep fried goodness, get this: you’ll get charged as much as $3 a side for fruit. FRUIT! That stuff that grows on trees and rots within two days of picking it. Seriously, Chartwells, what the hell? What happened to our combos? What happened to making a meal of it for $1.59 (oops, can’t remember the exact number) more? Kaufman’s pleasantly distracted us all with its surprising array of edible vegetarian dishes (what happened to rice and beans 5 times a week) but then the daily stirfry at lunch was taken away. Why? There was always lots of people who wanted it; even after almost a full year of it there’d still be lines. The Boiler House staff makes Starbucks drinks with Starbucks coffee, and yet doesn’t get the advantage of Starbucks-size tips because they work… dun dun dun.. for Chartwell’s. What’s really going on here? Where the *bleep* is my combo? Why the heck won’t anybody slip me free food every now and again? I’m starving here!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment